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Thursday, January 18, 2007

HABITUATION

It's been 16 months today -- a long time, and then again, a short time.

Stuff still punches me in the stomach. Stupid stuff. The other day, I found a small, Teflon frying pan that I hadn't seen in all this time, and I started wailing. My counselor calls this phenomenon "habituation." Today, the frying pan is a memory trigger. Tomorrow, the frying pan will be just a frying pan.

Whenever Kathy sent me to the Post Office for a book of stamps, she would always say, "Get something pretty." In other words, get birds or flowers or hearts rather than flags or faces or fish.

The other day, I was at the Post Office buying a book of stamps. I had already been rung up when I saw that the stamps were of flags.

"Is it too late to exchange these for something pretty?" I asked.

"Not at all," said the female Post Office worker.

I was given a choice of birds or flowers. I chose the birds.

"I don't want you to get in trouble," she added with a smile.

"Thanks," I said, and then I bawled on the way to my car.

3 Comments:

Anonymous gail jeanne mcgillicuddy said...

that's too sad. I thought about the date, too, on 1/18.

60 more days until Spring. And then of course, comes summer. Sometimes it feels like this winter will NEVER end, esp. after the holidays.

60 days. Count them down.

1:02 AM, January 20, 2007  
Blogger margaret said...

I am sorry. Habituation sounds so cold for what that feels like. It's a hanging on thing, jaggedly painful and familiar. Wishing you well. Prayers said for you...

2:55 AM, January 20, 2007  
Anonymous voger said...

Thanks, Margaret -- I'll take any prayers you can spare!

10:53 PM, January 22, 2007  

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