SELF-SERVING PIPSQUEAKS

Metal Men completist that I am, I was forced to hand over cold cash to buy "52" #30 -- make that "52, Week Thirty" -- because, a fellow geek told me, the origin of the Metal Men is presented in the back of the issue.

I've been buying issues of "52" now and then because, well, a drop of Mercury or a loose screw of Gold or a follicle of Doc Magnus might appear in a panel. BECAUSE I'VE BEEN A METAL MEN COMPLETIST SINCE THE EARLY '80s, AND I CAN'T STOP NOW.

The origin made me angry. The art was too manga-ish. THAT'S NOT THE WAY YOU DRAW TIN. Listed under "Essential Storylines" were "Metal Men Archives 1" (an excellent recommendation) and -- those self-serving pipsqueaks -- "52."

"52"? One of only two "Essential Storylines" for the Metal Men? Puh-LEEZ. What about writer Mike Carlin, penciller Dan Jurgens and inker Brett Breeding's excellent "Metal Men" four-issue miniseries of 1993?

SPEAKING of which -- the bold liberty Carlin took in retelling the Metal Men's origin in that miniseries (don't get me started) is nowhere to be found in the "52, Week Thirty" retelling. As if it never happened. As if it were a dream, like the dude taking the shower in "Dallas."

A character named T.O. Morrow figures prominently in this new "origin." More retelling of history. More self-serving pipsqueakery. More insult to longtime fans. More issues of "52" for me to buy because I am a Metal Men completist. I'm probably the only person on Earth with this sickness. There's no therapy group for me. It's my battle, and my battle alone. Pray for me.