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Saturday, July 28, 2007

FICTIONAL FOOD

Over the past couple of weeks, I've eaten four "Movie Donuts" -- a confection tied into "The Simpsons Movie."

That's four steps in the opposite direction of good nutrition. But it was glorious.

Well, the first Movie Donut was glorious, anyway. The second, third and fourth Movie Donuts were, as we Irish like to say, a case of "flying in the eyes of God."

Movie Donuts are sold at 7-Eleven convenience stores for 89 cents. They sell out quickly. They have pink icing and sprinkles. The moment you lay eyes on one, you recognize it from the many donuts you've seen Homer Simpson eat at his workstation at the nuclear power plant. It's positively iconic.

I remember the first time I realized that I have a problem resisting fictional food.

When Tim Burton's "Batman" was released in 1989, McDonalds offered tie-in toys with Happy Meals. I ate a bunch of Happy Meals to collect the toys, and soon began to notice a change in my physiognomy. The same thing happened three years later, when I ate a bunch of fast food to collect "Batman Returns" drinking cups.

In 1994, when "The Flintstones" came out, I vowed not to eat fast food just to collect the tie-in glass mugs, however spiffy. But apparently, the marketing geniuses were prepated for that. They created a new sandwich named after a fictional sandwich from Hanna-Barbera's 1960-66 animated series, "The Flinstones." If memory serves, it was the "Bronto Burger."

Maybe I had a shot at resisting everyday fast food to collect tie-in toys, but there was NO WAY I could resist eating the same sandwich my hero, Fred Flintstone, used to eat when I was a little boy. I saw this as a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity to eat fictional food. (And, actually, I was right. Bronto Burgers didn't stay on the menu after "The Flintstones" movie limped out of the multiplexes.)

Today's Movie Donut is the same situation. But, of course, now I'm 13 years older than I was when "The Flintstones" came out. And those were 13 hard years. I don't burn this stuff off as quickly.

So if you're listening, Jebus, give me the strength to decline Movie Donut No. 5.

5 Comments:

Anonymous gail jeanne mcgillicuddy said...

WOW - I totally missed out on Bronto Burgers, but can imagine how fun it must have been just to order one. How were they?

Now all I can think this morning is mmmmmmmmmmmm donuts. A Homer Donut would go so well with my morning coffee.

11:55 AM, July 31, 2007  
Blogger Mark Voger said...

I'm done. I've conquered the Movie Donut.

8:51 PM, August 01, 2007  
Blogger The Scout said...

Wasn't the "Batman" (1989) promotion at Taco Bell, not McDonald's. I believe the "Batman Returns" (1992) promotion was at McDonald's because the franchise complained about the sewage coming out of Danny DeVito's mouth as unappetizing. Hence, one reason why Warner passed on Tim Burton for the third installment, which he said he showed interest in directing.

5:41 PM, August 02, 2007  
Blogger The Scout said...

With the release of "Batman" in 1989, Taco Bell introduced the Cinnamon Twist.

5:42 PM, August 02, 2007  
Blogger Mark Voger said...

You were 3 when "Batman" came out.

4:55 PM, August 06, 2007  

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